Noteworthy
by msarahv
Summary: Will and Sonny start a correspondence, but will they ever meet? Title and encouragements by 1984winstons!
1. Chapter 1

Will looked through the window at the patterns the raindrops were creating. His coffee cup lay empty next to his hand but he didn't ask for a refill. It would mean looking at the counter, past the happy couple snuggled on their seat and that would hurt too much. He noticed couples now, more than before, as if his eyes had been re-programmed. He didn't get it, why couldn't he make it work, ever? Well, he did, look at his parents... But there were couples that stayed together, he'd met them. Maybe he was broken. He had stopped asking Gabi for explanations. She didn't answer his texts anymore. How could he learn from his mistakes if he wasn't told them? He'd been attentive and romantic and respectful, but she wanted something else, so he had made the effort but it hadn't counted. His eyes followed the passers-by as they walked past the window, under big umbrellas, talking with friends or on the phone. They wore rain coats most of them, except for the handsome man running to catch his bus. Will didn't like to admit it when he thought that about a guy, but frankly, couldn't you just think a guy is good-looking, if it was the truth? He stayed there a little more, lost in his thought, taking a much-needed break for the stress of studies and families obligations. He had found this place and he wouldn't share it for now, even with his sister. She was in her fast-food phase anyway. Being a way bigger brother meant feeling so much love but still being different and disconnected from what she went through, and he felt different enough as it was.

The rain had stopped and his alarm rang for his next class, so he ran outside.

It was later in the day, when it started pouring that he was reminded of something. His umbrella, folded neatly at his side, against the window pane in the coffee place. By the time he got home he was drenched. That's what moping did to you, made you forgetful. He hopped in the shower, freezing.

Two days later, he finally found time and headed to the shop. He didn't have much hope. He should have bought a new umbrella, but this one came from his grandmother and it had value in his heart. He had to try. He walked to the counter and waited. The barista turned to him, grinning. He started describing the object and her smile grew bigger. She walked to the back and came back with it. Will was quite happy and ordered his usual black coffee. He put the umbrella on his lap this time. As he did, he felt a paper under his hands. There was a note.

'This is a great-looking umbrella, I hope the owner gets it back. Ma'am, I'm glad if you did.' Will chuckled. _Ma'am_, thank you for the compliment. It was a lady's umbrella, true but he still wanted to set things straight, so he fished in his backpack for his notebook and wrote 'Thank you so much. I got it from my grandmother. Not a ma'am myself! Thank you for the note though, glad to know there are nice attentive people around.' He added 'Will.' to emphasize his masculine identity and went back to the barista. "If you come across the person who brought it to you, could you give her that?" "Oh, sure! Although it's a he." "Oh, OK!" looks like they were both wrong. Will walked outside, laughing, which was welcome as he was going to his mom for the weekend and things were rather tense.

He was back on Saturday night, teeth clenched, anger boiling in him so much he almost didn't need to drink something warm. He still ordered, needing comfort from a mundane habit. He had listened to his mother talk for two hours and it had made her eight-year-old daughter look awfully mature in comparison. He had ended the conversation by stating "Mom, if you wanted the right to be jealous of Rafe's new woman, you should have chosen to stay with him. You can't expect every man you've dated to still be thinking about you and have no love life ever. Why can't you be content with the man you're with now?" Her answer had been twisted, with mumbling about how he couldn't understand and "it's the principle". Of course, said by a woman who made a habit of cheating and leaving her companions, it was rich. But no, her ex-husband had to mourn her, apparently and become a monk, while she could have who she wanted, at the moment, and still be worshiped somehow.

He took a calming breath. The barista brought his coffee, then he stood there and asked "Hum, sir, you said your name was Will didn't you?" "Yes." "Are you the one with the umbrella?" Will frowned. What was that man talking about? "It's just that we've got this note a customer gave us and it's written on top of it : for Will and his umbrella." Will's polite smile turned thoughtful and he nodded "Yes, that's for me, I think."

'I am sorry to have shown any prejudice. I actually like that umbrella. I like antiques a lot and this one is a gem. I hesitated I must admit to return it. It would have been great among my furniture. But I have a standard when it comes to ethical behavior even for little things like that. Are you a forgetful person? Or were you distracted? I have never lost an umbrella but my father always does so my mom buys them in bulks at the dollar-store. She can afford expensive one but what's the point? I'm a guy too, my name's Sonny. Thanks for the reply to my note, it brightened my stressful day. Take care.'

Will stared at the paper, then closed his eyes. A few lines had calmed his feverish brain and taken over his obsessing over his mother's words. It was something to be grateful for. He looked for his notebook but couldn't find it. He was about to reluctantly ask for a sheet of paper when he spotted a pile of napkin on the next table. He would have to write very small but it was doable.

'I am thrilled to meet (well, almost meet) with a pillar of morality. It was the first time I came to that shop and I was quite stressed too, hence the forgetting act. My mother is very prone to it, though and I can remember late evening, freezing our asses off, as we waited for someone to bring the key apartment to us, or even the locksmith. Of course you could see this as a giant handkerchief and a way to get your attention if I was female. Unless you're into guys.

I do hope you've been using all your virtues efficiently and are working in a fulfilling job. I'm a student myself, still looking for my path. As it happens, the timing of your second note was perfect and helped me feel a little better at a bad moment. So thanks. Will'

He felt embarrassed to give it to one of the employees. He took another napkin, just wrote 'Sonny' (it was such an unusual name it couldn't reach the wrong person) and went to pay his coffee. There was a napkin dispenser. Will took the makeshift envelope and managed to stick it at the bottom. Chances were few this Sonny guy would see it, or that it would still be there to be found, but it was funny and Will felt equal to go back to him mom's place and not yell in frustration at what she could say next.

It took him a week to be back. It was a dad weekend this time, which meant being questioned about his mom, but thankfully not all day long. Lucas was sending him weird looks, though and Will was wondering how his watching TV could gather those. He grinned at the original barista and waited at the counter, nonchalantly scanning every inch of the flat surface. He felt disappointed, as if a new friend had let him down. In fact the fact that he only had a first name to deal with, meant that he could picture Sonny the way he wanted. It involved a very nice neck and chest, but that was normal, Sonny was basically saying he was perfect, and that could involve how he looked too.

The young woman hand him his coffee and his change and he moved to get to a table when he saw it, staring at him in the most obvious way. He snatched the paper from the menu holder and sneakily walked to a remote corner. It was a good moment, that he wanted to savor...


	2. Chapter 2

'I'm a student too, majoring in business. But I'm an entrepreneur and soon I'll be securing promising opportunities. As it happens I _am_ into guys. But I'll clear you from the charges of trying to get my attention because it seems we never come in here at the same time. Plus I guess you're straight and have a nice girlfriend.' Will closed his eyes and rubbed them. If he started correcting him, he would be opening up about his most personal feelings to a stranger. Although there was an appeal in that. He read the note on 'I prefer to focus on work myself and make plenty friends. I hope what was stressing you has stopped. Take care. Sonny.'

Will didn't really feel better this time. More fidgety and frustrated. He could get up and leave and forget the incident but his mind didn't like the idea. Besides what did he have to lose? It was funnier than therapy. Having a shrink for a grandmother made it impossible to consider anyway, especially as, even though he loved her to pieces, he could see that she was far from leading a perfect life either. Perfect... This guy was cocky, that was for sure. Will tapped the tabletop with his fingertip, drumming his melancholy. The notebook was placed on the flat surface, two sheets of paper were taken out, his pen had started writing and that's when he realized what he was doing.

'OK, here's the thing. My girlfriend just broke up with me. So, I'm a mess, especially as it was my fault she left and I'm trying to figure out why. Consider yourself lucky not to have feelings for anyone in particular. In my experience it sucks. Not that I want to be a downer, but at the moment, between that and my parents, I feel a little lonely. Most of my friends are out of town, studying in other colleges or even abroad. I envy people who make new friends easily. Are you sure you're as perfect as you describe yourself? I'm sure you have plenty flaws. To make you confess I'll start with mine : I'm kind of a coward. Not physically, but when it comes to what other thinks about me. Which is good because you've never seen me, so you can't judge me...' This was getting longer and longer. He used one of the side of the paper he planned on using as an envelope. He scribbled 'Take care as well, Will.' and folded the whole.

The barista was busy. He put the note under the napkin dispenser again and walked to the door. Once outside, he shivered and realized he had forgotten his jacket. He was really losing it. He walked back in and looked at the counter in passing. There was a brown-haired customer seated on a stool, waiting for his coffee. His hand was playing with the dispenser and Will saw him take the note and read the name on it, then put it in his pocket. Will's heart started beating of excitement and he approached. The man looked a little too old to be a student. Will wondered, then realized the man might have made everything up. He asked anyway, pointing to the dispenser "Excuse-me? Is your name Sonny?" "Yeah, that's me." The voice was rough and the tone disagreeable. Will looked away, to the barista who was bringing the man's cup. On it you could see a big "Gary" in marker. Will turned to the man's face, frowning. The guy sheepishly took out the note and put it back, then moved away from the counter. Will watched him leave the coffee-shop, thoughtful. The counter wasn't a good idea. Where could he put it, that it wouldn't get thrown away?

He walked back to his booth seat. It was fastened to the wall and behind the cushions there was a flat metallic bar. You would have to look for it there, but would Sonny think of that? As Will looked up, his eyes met the barista's. She was smiling and nodded. Will let the paper fall, letting her see where, then quickly stepped out.

It struck him, as he was driving to his dorm room, that she actually knew how both of them looked. He could ask her but he liked the mystery. With cell phones and the internet, you always knew everyone's whole life. And he remembered acutely his disappointment when seeing the guy. It was a good thing it wasn't really him. Sonny... Sunny... Well, now he was back in his room and studying was taking over.

He had spent the last days looking at guys in the hallways. Sonny was a student, it was possible he was one of the man he walked past, after all they both went to the same coffee-shop. It was situated quite far from campus. All this ogling was creating strange things in his chest. He was the first to admire feminine beauty, the aesthetic of a dress, but looking at guys was quite weird, even if it was compelling. Of course it would be, guys weren't made to be looked at by other men. Even the economic teacher with his adorable freckled face and his red bangs. Each time he walked to his whiteboard, the whole bench behind Will, filled with girls, would let out a collective sigh. Will always repressed his.

But the teacher canceled his class that day and Will found himself with time on his hands. He drove slowly, wondering if he would ever come face to face with Sonny. Who knows, maybe today...

He went straight to the booth and gestured to the barista. She gave an efficient nod. He ordered plain black Joe, so he could be a "regular" now. He looked around, at the other regulars, at the sunny deserted sidewalk. He was the only male as far as he could see, so no, not today...

When he had played with his own impatience long enough, he let his fingers roam in the gap behind his head. There was a paper. It could be the one he left, he reflected. He closed his eyes, feeling ridiculous and excited. He took a peek and saw a W. Yes!

The paper was folded a lot. It turned out to be quite a long read.

'Wow, looks like you have a lot on your plate. I'm very happy to lend an ear... well in a manner of speaking. I've just spent the last days asking my friends and family what my flaws are. So now, I'm depressed too... OK, I'm kidding, but to sum it up, I have learned that I can have a nasty temper at times, that I can't dance to save my life (and for a gay man and his love life, that is a big flaw) and that I talk too much. Does that make you feel better? I hope you'll appreciate me humiliating myself so that you can have a laugh. In regards to your flaw, I'd say it's an understandable one. When you care for people, you want them to love you. But are you sure they wouldn't accept you if you acted more genuinely? Just a thought, as I've been there. So no judging, although I'm curious. What is your uneasiness about? I promise I won't mock you.

Take care, Sonny.

PS : just to say, I think you have your chances with the barista. She told me you looked dreamy.'

Will blushed so hard, he felt all warm. He was flattered but he tended to be modest about his looks. Few women had shown any interest in him, so he assumed he must not be very attractive. If he compared himself to all the hot guys he had looked at in campus... He hesitated, then took his notebook and wrote:

'Thanks for the tip, man, but I'm not over the break-up yet. My mother had me dance with her at all her weddings so I'm OK at it, I guess. I don't know if you talk too much, but you have a great sense of humor, so I'm sure it makes up for it. I'm glad you located my last note, and also that you are still writing back.

OK, big breathe... It's hard for me to explain. I feel judged a lot and I don't know what I do wrong. My father looks at me like he's worried, my ex says I didn't really want to be with her, my grandmother is all concerned. My mom isn't but she's very self-centered, so... I told you before that I am lonely and don't make friends easily. I want to find some one to trust to be with, but I can't seem to be interested in the kind of woman people expect me to be with. I think that is what went wrong with my girl friend. She's really great and I thought we had a good potential. But she kept saying I was pretending to want her or be attracted to her, that she could tell I wasn't. I don't get it. I admire her, she's so beautiful and I care for her a lot. So who should I look for, then?

Wow, you're the first person I told that. It feels liberating. Thanks for that. Take care Will.'

He put the paper in the cache and turned back to a black cup and a smile. The barista was as pretty as Gabi. He looked at her hard waiting for the attraction to hit him. It didn't. He bit his lip. Maybe Sonny was wrong and she had only said that in passing. He gave her a nice tip, drank his cup as fast as he could and got back to the dorm.


	3. Chapter 3

He hadn't had time to think about the note business this past week. He had had a huge fight with his mom, so much he had moved in with his dad and while it meant much more quiet time, it also meant more weird looks. He was also missing his sibling's company. In the week, the dorm was also quite silent, until Friday when all the rooms started pounding techno music so loudly that he decided to flee, to his place of contemplation, great coffee and...

There were people at "his" booth. He hadn't foreseen that and he wondered if he should wait or discreetly check behind the seat. It would need too much luck. He sat at the counter and waited, shooting dark looks at the persons unwittingly preventing him access to his "mail box". It was funny, if he thought about it. He could as well give his email address, or even create a new one, but he liked it that way. It felt more real and at the same time, more private.

The booth was finally emptied, so he walked slowly to it, carrying a fresh cup of coffee and a muffin. He sat, drank a little, almost burned his mouth and swore under his breath. His hand went to the cache and found the paper. He took it and stared, nonplussed. There was 'Sonny' written on it. It was his own handwriting.

Now, that sucked. He had been so excited and now, he felt very alone. Apparently, Sonny had gotten fed up with their little game. Will stood up and went out. Maybe he could go to the movie theater?

He went to bed slightly better but the next evening, he was back. "Hey, good to see you again so soon! The usual?" Will was glad it was the male employee he was meeting these days. He still felt a little uneasy, plus the guy was easy on the eye. He hesitated, sat down at another booth, then gave up and went to check. He took the paper. Still not a new one...

He got strong and didn't come back to the coffee-house the next week. No way he was going to obsess about it. He had enough to deal with. He had decided to take the bull by the horn and asked his father what was the matter. He had answered in a cryptic way, about being cautious and that differences were could put you in danger and he didn't want that for him, so... Will had tried to understand but Lucas' phone had rung and after that, he had more or less escaped any other conversation.

On Thursday evening, his mother had asked him to come meet her at his grandmother's place, "on neutral ground". They had achieved a sort of truce, but he still didn't move back. He promised to visit soon and at the end of the talk, even gave her a hug. However crazy she could get, she was still his mom and he loved her.

He had four people walking up and hitting on him, including a guy. Looks like his haircut suited him. He had turned them down quite easily. He had no time for romance. He chuckled after the guy left. Looks like him going to the gym more often was showing, if even those from the other team were interested.

He spent the Saturday playing with his brothers and sisters and felt relaxed and happy. Children were noisy and restless but they were awesome too. They weren't complicated and they listened to reason. He got inspired and organized a treasure hunt in the garden. With hidden notes. At the end of it, he felt resolved to face possible disappointment and he left for the coffee-shop.

This time it was the young woman at the counter and he was relieved to feel equal to greeting her. She seemed polite without anything more, either. He took it as a good sign and, sure enough, his fingers felt something thicker. It was a lot of paper and a lot of words on it. He sighed of contentment and started reading while munching on his muffin.

'I've just got back from a trip and I was glad to find another note. This is fun. My best friend is teasing me with this so much. He remarks we are in the digital age and I'm ridiculous, just like I am with my love for antiques. He's a great guy of course, just very eager to be "cool" at all cost. Luckily that means he's very gay-friendly. Which is good because coming out is really not easy, but I'm glad I did. I'm so much happier that way. Being yourself is a big risk and I understand that the pressure can be strong. Have you tried talking with your dad, to know what bugs him? Sometimes parents have strange expectations. Of course it's still better than them not caring. I have friend who was kicked out and it was hard for him. But when I asked him, he said he still didn't regret coming out.

I'm all excited because my trip was fruitful. I'll soon start my own venture, and adventure! It's all exciting and time-consuming, I am nowhere near having a love life whatsoever. I have reached past the stage of casual dating and I've decided to wait for a meaningful connection. It's actually my new year's resolution and I'm quite serious about those, I feel they help me become a better person, you know?

What about you? Any luck in that department? Or are you focused on studying? I have a feeling you're not the partying type (I might be wrong of course), although I'm sure you're quite fun. What are you hobbies? I like climbing (in a serious way, I've been all over the world) and dancing (even if I'm... creative about it) and traveling. Oh, and cooking too (Yes I'm quite the catch, thank you...).

Take care. Sonny.'

Will smiled widely. Sonny was so different and fascinating. He answered immediately:

'Thanks for sharing all this with me. You seem like a confident guy. I don't have many goals myself, mostly try to survive the moment. But studying feels important. And you're right about me not partying a lot. I love having a good time with my close friends, but drinking heavily and trying to hit on strangers is really not my stuff. Unfortunately the other guys in my dorms do not share my views so I tend to be on my own and I still spend all my week-ends with my parents.

I've got opportunities, though, a few girls trying their luck. And even a guy. I am happy to say it didn't bother me in the least. It was actually quite an ego boost. I'm aware that gay guys have high standards when it comes to looks, so... (unless that's just a preconception and in that case, I'm sorry.)

I tried to get my dad to open up but he's very reluctant. Maybe he doesn't like that I don't party and enjoy college's life, I don't know. I've decided to focus on other things than his behavior. I've mended some of the problems I have with my mother and I try to spend quality times with my siblings. Do you like kids? I see they weren't in your list. Of course, I don't mean having some of your own, just hanging out with them. I like that a lot, and computers too. Yes, I'm a dork. I like all kind of sports, although climbing is not something I can do at all. My feet belong on the ground. I like listening to indie bands too. Oh and I suggest you never taste anything I try to cook, you could be poisoned. OK I'm exaggerating but it sure doesn't run in the family. I grew up on frozen food.

I wish you luck on your business venture. Take care. Will.'

He put the pen down and brushed the side of the paper. Maybe they should meet... Or maybe not, they were so different, Sonny would surely get bored with him. Plus he sounded busy and happy to be. Will looked around as he always did, in case he would see a young man that could be him. It was really so strange they would never meet when he came at different hours and on different days. It felt like a sign that they shouldn't try to meet, not to ruin the special intimacy they had reached that way. One that went beyond appearances or tastes and straight to the chore of their human qualities.


	4. Chapter 4

Will was off the moon when he came two days later, not expecting to find a reply so soon, and yet there was one. It was great because, even though he was now in the best term with his mom, things were falling apart with his father. Could he move twice in a month's time? Or should he live with his grandmother? Her apartment was so close to campus that he could vacate the dorm altogether. It was tempting. He wasn't feeling very much at ease with the guys he had class with, they were obnoxious most of them.

There was another student in there. He was familiar to Will and when he raised his hands to greet another guy and then kissed him hello, Will recognized him. It was the man who had tried his luck with him the week before. Looked like he had found someone interested this time, someone who could be comfortable with returning the interest. Will's gut were a little uncomfortable and he saw his hand trembling on the cup.

He opened the note, determined to focus on it only. It said:

'Looks like we do have different tastes, but still share basic values. I don't hit on strangers either, nor do one-night stands. I like talking and getting to know a person, it feels much more rewarding. And I don't like drinking too much, I don't see the point in not remembering what you did in the evening.

I won't lie, I like a guy with good looks, although I don't look for perfection either.

I like kids, they're funny and innocent, but I'm not used to them as I'm the youngest in my family. My brothers are like me, quite independent, although we get on well together, whenever we meet again.

I have troubles imagining not wanting to climb, but of course that doesn't mean I think you're a coward, just different. Fears are not something to be ashamed of. I get that you don't want to be heartbroken again. Maybe you could take your time to think objectively about the kind of person you want to date, sometimes it helps to assess priorities. I remember when I realized I wanted to date guys, and when later I got tired of shallow airheads (very quickly) and I resolved to date guys that had substance. Do you like sweet, soft girls or rather energetic ones?

I'm having troubles with finding proper investors at the moment and it drives me nuts. I feel so near achieving my dreams! I take on myself not to be too upset but it's hard.

Hope you're well yourself, take care. Sonny.'

Will looked up and sure enough, the lovebirds were kissing. It was frustrating, he was sure he had moved on from being upset when viewing couples. It wasn't as if he felt he was missing out. The guy was cute, but he was a guy...

He wrote in an absent-minded way:

'I hope you find that investor soon. That sound so important to you. If I was loaded, I would sure help you, but I'm just a student!...'

Then he stopped and put his pen down, looking through the window and taking Sonny's advice about priorities. Gabi was certainly energetic and gorgeous, she had even modeled for a while. He hadn't date her because of that, though, rather because he felt comfortable in her presence. She was a great friend. He sighed. Maybe he had to stop looking for only that. Dating was about attraction and arousal too. But he couldn't remember feeling that for any girl in a long time.

He heard the doorbell cling and saw with relief that the couple was walking out, maybe to go to the movies. Or not. His mind wandered a bit, guiltily, on picturing the two in a bed. He shivered and shook his head, then returned to his writing.

'… I realize when I think about it that I don't know what kind of person I'm looking for. I guess I have to learn from my mistakes and go for different and more suited to who I am. I tend to dismiss looks because I don't feel attracted to the type of woman all my male friends are into. I like a woman's mind more than her body, does that mean I'm not mature enough or something?

You said you have expectations in how a guy can look, is this about the face (the eyes? I'm very partial to eyes, myself) or someone fit? I hope you don't mind the questions I am about to ask. I am asking because I am really curious not because I have any judgments. It's just that it must be so strange being gay. I mean being attracted to someone who have the same kind of body you do. Don't you feel like watching a mirror? I get that men can be attractive of course, I just don't know if you can tell the difference between wanting to look like a guy and wanting to be with him.

Sorry for my ramblings, I don't want to offend you. I have lots of things on my mind and I'm trying to sort them out.

I'm quite curious of the reason we never come at the same time. Are you a very early riser? I hope if we do meet one day, it won't be awkward. I feel we share a certain connection and I would hate to lose it.

Take care, Will.'

His hands were still trembling and he had a hard time folding the note correctly. The next time he should try decaf.

One afternoon, he was at the college's library and he saw a bunch of student, looking serious with plenty books around, whispering. He knew one of them by sight, he was in his economy class. He walked to him and asked if he could sit with them, maybe they could discuss the last lecture. The guy grinned widely and started explaining the complicated notions to Will who was so focused on him, it took him a moment to notice he was being the center of attention. He blushed and shot embarrassed looks. The other guys smiled and returned to reading their notes.

An hour later, they all got up and headed out. Will shook hand with his classmate and walked a few steps when he heard "Humm... Will?" He turned to the guy who had said that. He was taller than him and broadly shaped. "Yeah?" "I was wondering if... Would you like to go out sometimes?" Will pointedly ignored the burning feeling in his belly and pinched his lips "Sorry, not interested." "Oh, OK, bye then..."

Will began walking again but bumped into another one of the guys. He refused again, and again to the third and fourth one. He was now feeling so awkward he wanted to go to his bed and hide under it. Instead he went to his sanctuary..

He went straight to the booth, without even ordering anything. He opened the paper and read:

'Yeah, I'm in such a great mood, we found investors! Now I'll be a boss... Wow, that's hard to imagine, I wonder how I'll be managing other people.

It's ok, I understand that you have questions. Before I answer some of them, I wanted to suggest something, though. There is an LGBT center at the campus. You could go there and talk with them. I volunteered there for a yeah, there are very nice, laid-back people in there. I'm sure you'll love the experience and that way, your curiosity will be satisfied.

As for what I look for in a guy, well I'm a brunette with brown eyes, so I tend to be a sucker for blue-eyed blond-haired beauties...' Will blushed again. It was getting ridiculous, Sonny didn't know him, he wasn't describing him. And he was certainly not a beauty.

'…But that doesn't mean I always go for it. The last guy I dated had dark hair. He was very fit, but not over-muscled either. In general I'd say I like quiet intelligent guys.

Remember when I said I was waiting for someone special. Well, I might have, though it's too soon to tell for sure. We're just friends at the moment, I'll see what happens, I guess.

What about you? Still turning down unwanted admirers, or has it calmed down?

Take care. Sonny.'

Will was so flustered, he was bouncing on the seat. He got up and went nearer the counter to order coffee, but it was the male barista this time and Will stopped dead. He went back to the seat and scribbled:

'I'm really happy for you, that's just great news. And I'm glad you met someone. I wish you to be right there, so that you can stop looking. Dating is so overwhelming.

I don't know what the matter is, but I was asked out four time in a row by some guys I met at the library. I guess you're never sure if someone else is gay. Or if you are. I mean, it must be really hard to figure out for sure. I think I'll take your advice and go to that center. I just hope I won't get hit on there, too. But if you say they're nice people, I believe you.

By the way, I've decided to move out of campus. That way, I'll be able to focus more, with no noise in the evening.

Take care, Will.'

He finally asked for a coffee to go, looking down all the time. He had to get past all this if he wanted to go out with his life. He thought about Sonny, who had everything figured out and apparently the perfect life. That must be why he felt a tinge of jealousy when he was reading about him meeting someone.

**Once again, I want to thank my dear friend 1984winstons for helping me write that story, by encouraging me, suggesting ideas and doing beta. You rock!**


	5. Chapter 5

Will stood near the LGBT center, unable to find the courage to go in. There were students passing him by, talking to their friends or on their cellphones, indifferent to him, yet he felt exposed. What would they think about him? What if someone related to him learned he had been there? When it came to gossip, it was a smaller town than you would think. He wasn't afraid of those he would meet inside, though. If Sonny had volunteered there, it meant he would find kind, intelligent people. The thought did the trick and he bravely went in. There were four persons drinking coffee and listening to indie music. He recognized the band immediately and decided to use that as an icebreaker. He addressed the girl at the table and they talked for a while. She didn't ask him why he was here and he started relaxing, even when another student, a stud, joined in the conversation. He allowed himself to cast a few sideways glances and blushed each time the guy marveled at his knowledge of music. He wasn't ready to ask anything gay-related but he knew he could come back later, so that maybe one day he could.

Before he did go back, he went to the coffee-house and sat, feeling confident and smiling to himself. He licked his lip, thinking about the stud he had met there. Maybe he could befriend him. What was his name already? Dustin? Yes, that was it. He took a sip of his coffee and looked at his hands. He had picked up the note without thinking. It was a new one.

'Glad I could help you, Will, really. Tell me, if you go to the center, who you met there. I'll tell you if I know some of them. I had a great friend called Tracy, who always listened to obscure stuff. She's really interesting. We meet sometimes for coffee, but we're both busy. And I have new friends too, like that guy I told you about. His name is Brian. And he's very cute and funny, but I'm not sure I want anything more. He has a little too much charm, if you know what I mean. My business partner, the best friend I told you about, doesn't like him at all, he says I deserve better. So, here I am again without prospects and ready to lose myself in work again.

Sorry to be all mopy, it just does some good to write about it and you seem like a kind person who would listen without getting too annoyed.

I'm sorry to hear you're disappointed with dating. I'm sure you'll get your mojo back one day soon. And if girls aren't that great, there's always the other team, just saying...

OK, I'm done teasing you. Hope you're fine. Take care, Sonny.'

Will felt even better after reading. He took out his note pad and reread every line, chewing the tip of the pencil, to be sure to answer to everything.

'I have met Tracy and we share the same taste in music, so I'm sorry to say but we're in the right and you just have no taste (who's teasing who now?). There was a Dustin too, broad shoulders and bright smile, very confident? I liked it the center, they don't pressure you or make you uncomfortable. I may hang out there some other times, you know, to talk about music.'

He paused and his smile grew bigger as he wrote:

'Sorry to hear that the guy was a disappointment. That's what I meant about dating. It's all so misleading. I think you got the right attitude. Let's make some friends and if something were to happen with one of them, then why not. I've decided to come out of my shell and socialize more but still be picky about who I befriend. I'm sorry I have to say this but you're setting the bar pretty high, as even just notes from you are more interesting than many people's conversations.

I hope your business goes well, given your commitment to it. What is it by the way?

I'll ask Tracy about you, so you better pray she says only nice things! Take care. Will.'

So, he was a little nearer to knowing Sonny in person, now. It was a strange thing to feel, a mix of excitement and disappointment. He liked the charade and sense of adventure this note business carried. What if he found Sonny boring? Well, it was a risk to take and at least all of this had helped him go through his family troubles.

He saw some fliers for a concert on the counter as he went to pay. The opening number was from a group he liked a lot. He grabbed one and went out, his feet light on the pavement, his face offered to the sun's rays.

A few day's later, he ran into Tracy and told her about the concert. They decided to go together. They sat on a small wall, next to the building where Will had his next lecture, and chatted a while, with an ease that told Will he had made the first new friend he was looking for. "Dustin asked about you. He said you're cute." Will felt a pang in the chest and decided to change the subject quickly "Oh, I wanted to ask you. Do you know a Sonny? He said he volunteered with you a while back." Tracy's mouth turned into a smirk but she answered nevertheless "I do, yes! He's a great guy, very friendly. How do you know him?"

Will was in agony. He had wanted to be the one asking, not the other way around and he was bummed on how to answer. He chose to gloss over the details "We're pen pals, but we've never met. How does he look? He won't tell me." Tracy shrugged. "Well, he's not my type, obviously, but I'd say he's attractive. Dark hair, tanned skin, he's always grinning. Very confident too, I can see him going places. And he doesn't know squat about good music." "Yeah, well, we are the elite in that matter..." Will chuckled, glad to hear Sonny was indeed a lot like his fantasies had pictured him.

He changed the subject again, to majors and other school stuff and soon after, it was time for his lecture. They exchange cell numbers and as he was entering, almost bump into a guy whose face he knew. He apologized and the man crossed his arms "Heh, Will, I heard none of my friends are good enough for you. Sorry to break it to you, but playing hard to get will get you nowhere. You may be super hot, that doesn't give you the right to snub everyone." He walked to a seat, mumbling, so fast that Will didn't have the time to answer. 'I'm not gay, dude', was the first thing that sprang to mind. He felt angry at the accusations. He could choose to date whoever he liked, shaming him wouldn't make him change his mind. And none of the guys were his type anyway.

He found his father talking with his grandmother when he got home. They were both frowning and looking frustrated and Will tried to reach his room unnoticed but his father spotted him. But Lucas was making efforts and he sat Will down to ask him how his love life was going, if he had met any girl... He had emphasized the last word, as if he meant someone Will would like to introduce to him. Will explained his decision to focus on work and making friends. "Friends? What kind of friends?" Will felt on the defensive and shook himself "Well, for instance I'm going to a concert with Tracy..." He didn't have to say more, his father's back reclined on the couch and he smiled warmly. Will didn't really get what was going on in his head but he didn't feel like asking.

Instead, he returned to the coffee-house; The male barista greeted him and this time, Will felt equal to look at him in the eyes. They were of a nice green and were politely staring back. He listened to Will's order, nodded and turned to the next customer. Will was relieved and sat in his favorite seat.

'Well, I have told you all of my flaws, remember? Plus Tracy owes me one, so I'm sure she'll say nice things (of course she's into girls so she won't gush. It's a pity, I'm very good-looking.)' Will let out a loud laugh and caught himself. This guy was really funny. He could never say that himself, even with humor.

'I dated Dustin, actually. He's fun and likes to party. Maybe not exactly who you're looking for? Of course, I might be wrong and yes, now that you mention, he does have broad shoulders... Sorry, where did my mind go?

Is it OK if I wait to tell you about my business venture? It's not ready yet and I don't want to jinx it. Plus I'd rather keep a little mystery...' He had added a winking smiley. Will sighed and wondered why he had.

'Glad you liked the center. It's a refuge for us, somewhere to be strong and heard. I should really go and say 'hi'.

Thanks for saying I'm interesting, I'm really touched. Take care. Your friend, Sonny.'

The last word felt good. Will brushed the plastic table absent-mindedly, his mind so occupied that he was surprised when his eyes fell on his watch. He had a paper to finish so he really didn't have time to answer and he hesitated. Would Sonny wonder if there wasn't anything? He folded back Sonny's note and put it back behind the seat. He would have to come back the next day to write him.


	6. Chapter 6

Once he had handed in his Economic paper, Will felt better. He decided to go and say 'hi' to Tracy. He didn't have her phone number, so he went into the LGBT center but she wasn't around. Dustin was, though and he gave him a big welcoming grin. "Hey, Will, nice to see you again. How are things going?" "Fine, thanks." Will remembered what Tracy had said and flinched a little under Dustin's scrutiny. The other man didn't look very much at ease and actually looked down to ask "So, I was wondering... would you like to go out sometime? There's this great bar, a few blocks away, I'm on the VIP list and..." Will had to sit on one of the metallic chairs. His knees were giving up. He swallowed nervously and stuttered "Hum... I'm not very much into bars, sorry..." Dustin looked up, even more nervous and replied "What about going and see a movie?" Will thought about Sonny's last note, how he thought Dustin was a nice guy but superficial. Will was quite sure the guy didn't want to just befriend him. He chose to be brutally honest "Hum, Dustin, you're a great guy and you look good, but..." A flicker of disappointment passed in the man's eyes but it was so soon gone that it left Will with no guilty feelings. "Well, okay, at least I tried. You're a really nice guy, Will. Why don't you join us at the next outing the Center is planning? It's in a cabin outside of town and it won't be wild or anything. I'm sure you would have fun." Will must have looked as perplexed as he felt, because Dustin added "I'm asking 'as friend', I promise. Just think about it."

When Will left the Center, he got a phone-call from his mom. She had troubles with her new boyfriend (shocker...) and needed him to baby-sit. Because of that, he didn't have time to go back to the coffee-house before the concert. He missed it, especially as he hadn't written back yet, but he promised himself he would go soon.

The concert was fabulous. Tracy had taken a friend with her, at least she said she was, although Will saw the looks they were exchanging at times and smiled to himself. He didn't call her on it until Mary excused herself for a moment and Tracy asked Will how he liked the singers on the stage "I like their sound but the lyrics are a little corny." Tracy laughed "I meant, which guy do you find the most attractive?" Will frowned and said "I don't know."

He changed the subject and asked Tracy about Mary. She blushed and said they were just friends for now. "You should ask her out, she looks as if she's into you as well." "You're sure?" "I think so." Tracy nodded, thoughtfully, then asked "What about Dustin, did he ask _you_ out?" Will blushed "I said I wasn't interested and he was OK with it. He told me about an outing though." "Oh, yeah, you should come! It's very low-key and you'll meet more of us. I wish I could go, but I'm going to visit my family this weekend." "Oh." "I will send you the email with all the information. You should go, Will. Really."

The next day, he was having lunch with his father when he got a text from Tracy '**she said YES thanks**'. His father caught his smile "Is this your new friend Tracy? Are you guys... more than friends?" Will shook his head laughing "Oh, no. She's into girls. She's volunteering at the LGBT Center and told me about an outing..." Lucas's change of attitude is off-putting. His whole body stiffens "You told her, no, didn't you?" "I'm sorry?" "Well... why would you go? There will only be gay people there. It would make people think you're one of them." His voice is steady but Will still hears the tension in it "I'm sorry Dad, I don't get it. I've just made friends, that's a good thing isn't it? And I'm completely OK with their sexual orientations. They've all been respectful." "No...body asked you out?" "Yes, but I told them no and they didn't push." "They might this weekend. You shouldn't go, Will. Why don't you try to meet girls instead?" "Are you telling me who I should befriend?" "No, I'm not. I just want you to be cautious..." Will frowned "Do you have something against gays?" "No, of course not!" "What if I was gay, Dad? Would you throw me out?" "What? Of course not? I would still love you!" "Then, you won't mind me going there..."

Will got up and went out the door. He drove to the coffee-house and sat down to re-read Sonny's last note. Then he took the other ones out of his bag and went through them too. He was shaking in anger at his dad. He had never been sure about that outing but now he wanted to go there, just because of the objections...

He started writing:

'Dustin asked me out, actually. I explained I wasn't interested in dating so he suggested we be friends. I mean he's very attractive but as you said I wouldn't date a superficial guy." He stopped and crossed the word "guy".

He was about to write girl instead, but it didn't make sense as Dustin wasn't one. He was about to write "person", but it felt too vague somehow. He put the pen down and looked outside. There was a couple walking by, both young, holding hands smiling at each other. He closed his eyes and tried to picture himself with one of them, holding the other's hand. His eyes opened in shock.

He re-read Sonny's notes and his reply and it was there, plain as day. It explained his strange feelings when he was looking at attractive men. It wasn't just uneasiness. It was attraction.

He stayed there, his brain about to explode, thinking about his family, his future, who he should talk to. The LGBT Center was the perfect place of course, but there was Sonny also.

'I think that I might be gay, though. It would explain a lot and also why my father is so weird, maybe he noticed before I did. He said he would still love me if I was but it wouldn't be easy for him I guess. I'm freaking out, now. I need to make sure and I don't want to go kiss a stranger for that. What do you suggest? Apart from going to the Center, because I will ask them, I just value your opinion too. Hope you find this note soon. Will.'

He talked with his grandmother that night. He even used the word itself and she smiled. The next day, he looked around him, at the gorgeous girls, wearing mini-skirts, and at the good-looking guys and how could he have been so blind?

He didn't feel ready to go to the Center yet. On Wednesday, he entered the coffee-house and went to the booth. He opened the paper, eyes closed, took a deep breath and read:

'Well, we have never met so I couldn't be sure, but from what you said before, I am not that surprised. I suspected it, but I didn't want to be pushy or mistaken.

Look at it this way, you weren't out and already guys hit on you, so at least, you won't have problems dating... And you made friends that are already out so they'll help you through this process. I certainly will. I feel we're good friends and I'm glad I can help in any way. So, you can tell me, anything, even who you intend to date! I promise I'll be happy for you.

I hope your family will be OK with it, but if they don't, it's their loss. Be who you are, you'll be happier and if they really love you, that's what they want for you, isn't it?

So, take extra care and know that I think of you. Sonny.'

One of the tears fell from his cheek to the paper. The barista walked to him "Are you alright sir?" He nodded, then looked up at her "You've met this person I write to. Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "How come I never meet him? When does he come?" "Oh, early mornings. Just when we've opened. He doesn't come on the same days, though." Will sighed and thanked her. She shot him a concerned look, but went back to the counter.

On Thursday, he signed up for the weekend outing.


	7. Chapter 7

Will spent Friday in a haze. He had a lecture in the morning, and as he had already packed for the outing, he had planned to spend his time studying or simply chilling. But every time a guy would pass him, any one of them, Will felt a shock. He wasn't attracted to all, but the simple fact that he was now allowed to fantasize about them was enough. Of course, he didn't know which ones were gay. He had met a few guys at the LGBT Center but didn't bump into them and those he had turned down before, he didn't feel he would feel up to speaking to again. The big revelation was a change but not a change either. He was still not one for hook-ups. He knew this, he was a relationship person, a committed one if possible.

So, he decided firmly that he would try and befriend people during the week-end and then widen his friends' circle, until one of them appeared like someone he could date. Until then, he walked to the library, to cool down. He walked to the far end and sat, taking out his books. As he did so, he was, for whatever reason, reminded of honey. Not only the taste, or the softness, but also how it gleamed, like a golden liquid. He looked up and saw another man, a few tables down. He wasn't looking in his direction. In fact, he had a big book in front of him and was reading intently. It was his skin that had caught Will's unconscious attention. It was tan and looked soft, but enveloping lean, well-defined muscles. Will gulped. The man had a charming, open face and big brown eyes that made Will just stop studying altogether and start daydreaming. After about half an hour, the guy stretched, put the book back on one of the shelf and walked to the exit. Will was half-disappointed, half-relieved to see him go.

Everyone was supposed to meet at the Center, so Will came, a little too early and walked in. There were two or three people there already. One girl was pinning a poster on the wall and one man was sitting at the table, reading a paper. He looked up and grinned at Will. He didn't look like a student and Will wondered who he was. "Hello, are you there for the outing?" "Yep, I'm Will." The man grinned "OK, hi Will, I'm Joel. I'm one of the organizers, so if you have a question, don't hesitate." Will had a question but didn't feel it was polite to ask. He circled around it "I've never seen you in here before..." "Oh, I'm not a student anymore, graduated two years ago. But I like to keep in touch with volunteers and help, here and then. I've had some great time here, found lots of friends." Will grinned. That was good news.

They were carpooling and not every participant would arrive at the same time, it seemed. Joel was in charge of dispatching people into cars and was the one to call if someone got lost on the way over. He drove Will and Tyler, who seemed happy to see Will again. When they got there, they were volunteered into setting the place up and Will liked being included that way, it made him feel less nervous at being new to the group.

Tyler walked to some friends of his and soon, Will was surrounded by girls. It was very relaxing, especially the fact that he knew none of them would be interested in him. Everyone around him was a stranger though, even Tyler, and he regretted that Tracy didn't come. Joel seemed very friendly but he was always busy talking on the phone. As Will came in, he heard him saying "Hey Jackson, it's been a while! Well as long as you're calling, could you stop on your way over and buy..." Will went out again, to help unload a car. More guys had arrived, they must be around fifteen people by now. The cabin was quite big, the kind that was for group renting, with a professional kitchen and a dining area. There was also a fireplace in a cozy room and dorms of two or three beds. Will found an empty one and put his duffle bag on the top bunk bed. It reminded him of boarding school. He smiled and fished out his umbrella as he noticed grey clouds gathering up. He put it next to the door and started helping in the kitchen.

"Hey, Will, can you come go help outside?" Will followed Joel out but saw him turn his head and wave at a man who had just got out of his car. Will caught his breath . It was the same guy, the one from the library. He was grinning warmly and looked so fine in the setting sun that Will's legs were wobbling a little. He sighed discreetly and looked at Joel coming up to greet the newcomer.

They hugged each other and Will noticed the way their hands rested comfortably against the other. They were either great friends or intimate. Will looked away. When he finally got in, the man had disappeared. Maybe he was looking for a bed to put his things. Joel was stocking sodas in the big fridge. "Okay!" he shouted to those around him "Now that Jackson is here, everyone that had signed in has arrived. If someone feels like starting the fire, there's a woodshed next to the trashcans..."

Will took the opportunity. So far everyone was friendly but it felt a little bit overwhelming now. After all they were almost thirty people in there, half of which potential dating material. As he came back with the logs, he saw the Jackson man again. He spotted Will this time and his smile extended, friendly and quite gorgeous to see. It took Will about four attempts to start the fire, although he was quite good at it. He had been a boy scout at some point. "You need help?" The voice had no right to be that warm and deep. Will shook his head, feeling like a stupid kid. He didn't want to be rude, though, so he stuttered "No, thanks, it's okay, it's... it's burning now..." He was blushing, and stood up quickly, more or less running to the dining-room.

Will sat next to Tyler, realizing that as hot as he could be, he didn't make Will flustered the way Jackson did. The latter was seated with Joel, chatting and laughing with his whole table. He seemed very at ease in big groups and Will felt a little more defeated. When dinner was over, everyone migrated to the fireplace, although after a while, little groups formed and people were coming in and out, even outdoors as it was warm enough. Will regretted very much that Tracy hadn't come. He didn't know anyone well enough to insert himself in one of the conversations and Tyler had migrated next to a cute guy and was now making googly eyes at him. Will walked back and forth, but his eyes were regularly drawn to a specific figure by the fire-place. After a while, he decided to go to bed and went to the dorm.

The bottom bed was made now and there was a green duffle bag sprawled on it. Will had no idea who it belonged too. He prepared for bed and climb the ladder. He wasn't tired enough, so he shuffled through his bag and retrieved Sonny's notes and letters. Each time he read them, he relaxed and felt at ease. He should really meet him, he decided, he could use an actual friend, not just a mystery correspondent.

He had dozed off after all, and woke up with a start. There was a soft sound, someone breathing underneath. Will was curious to know who his temporary roommate was but he was lying too comfortably and his eyelids were heavy.

When he woke up, he was alone again. Feeling full of energy, this time, he jumped down and dressed up quickly. He had been explained there was no fixed schedule, just everyone hanging out and having a good time ("but we keep it classy" Tyler had added and winked at Will who had chuckled.) so he wasn't fazed by how late he had slept.

He caught a cup of coffee and grabbed the bacon and eggs that were handed to him by a short guy with a nice smile and walked to a table, a spring in his step. He took a sip and marveled at the taste of the coffee, then looked around. This time he felt a tidal wave go through him. How a shy smile could create that, he had no idea. The man didn't look threatening and was seated at the other side of the room but Will saw him stand up and walk in his direction.

"Hey, Will, right? Joel told me you were new. This seat taken?" Will's brain was blank on one side and boiling on the other. He mumbled "yeah... no... I mean, I have to go..." and hated himself as he was, a minute later, back in the room. He needed to calm down before going out again. His heart was beating too fast and he was freaking out. He had no car of his own, or he would have driven back home fast. He was as much afraid by his physical reaction as to the idea of giving up and not make the friends he really wanted to make. So, he settled to pacing and freaking out.

A few hours later, there was a knock at the door "Will you're there?" "Yes, come in" It was a blonde girl he knew by sight but couldn't name at all "Hi, I'm Tonya! We're making lunch. You want to come help?" She was looking at him with kindness and Will felt she had been sent there, probably by the very efficient Joel. He nodded and followed her.


End file.
